Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Super Tuesday Posting

Go get 'em, Paultards! Before you go out today, here are a few Paultard tips of the trade to keep in mind:

  1. Always assume that everyone who doesn't follow Ron Paul is a sheep, and that you're the Shepherd. Yes, that does make you Jesus.
  2. When addressing the conservatives, insist that Ron Paul is a true republican, and all the other candidates are just posers. When addressing the liberals, insist that Ron Paul is more of a democrat than all of the democrats currently running, and they should look past the "R" after his name. Remember, people are sheep.
  3. The only thing preventing people from voting for Ron Paul is the fact that they haven't seen his name yet, in large part because of the media conspiracy/censorship against him. However, this problem can be corrected by hanging up signs, which will instantly convince the sheep to vote for him.
  4. If anyone tells you that they're voting for someone else, ask them why they hate the constitution, and imply that they're commie soviets.
  5. If someone ever challenges one of your conspiracy theories, look back at them in disbelief and shout, "What do you mean, 'crazy?'" It's real!" By asserting that your conspiracy theory is real, rather than fake, you automatically win the argument.


Anonymous said...

Having harassed a forum-spamming Paultard on craigslist over the last 2-3 months, I think I'm qualified to suggest a '#6' for your list.

6. If someone expresses an immediate negative view of Dr. Paul, you may safely assume that they are a "neocon" and are fully entitled to use the following epithets: loser, f*ggot, b*tch, chickenhawk, coward, h*mo, traitor, douche, or p*ssy. Try to use as many in one sentence as possible (and remember CAPSLOCK is your ally in the Ron Paul rEVOLution). Don't worry that this will look crazy or alienate potential voters. Show no mercy. Remember, they're not just smearing Dr. Paul, they are THE TRUE ENEMIES OF AMERICA!!!

MrBold said...

Well it looks like the Ron Paul machine chalked up another loss in W. Virginia.

Man those hits just keep on coming for los Paultardos....

Bellesouth said...

But those are tips for online, not out in the streets!

I am happy to say my voting experience was Paultard-free.

Although there was one woman who was totally disgusted that there were voting instructions posted in Spanish. She could have been a Paultard.

glen.h said...

Im in Australia, and we still get crap from the Paultards! I even get Paultard spam on a gay-porn forum I go on! The really funny thing is they get real huffy when you suggest that people just may not take political opinions expressed on a porn blog very seriously....

MrBold said...

See it's this kind of drama queen prose I'm going to miss:

"I'm the verge of tears. Why can't our country embrace freedom."

Aw man that's really sweet. I wish I could buy his tears on e-bay.

Infidel753 said...

See it's this kind of drama queen prose I'm going to miss

There will be more of it for a while yet. Super Tuesday is almost over and Ron Paul has once again turkeyed out all over the country. The Paulloons will be awash in mourning and conspiracy theories for a week or so at least.

I even get Paultard spam on a gay-porn forum I go on!

There's a Larry Craig joke in there somewhere, for sure.

Not that the odds are very good that Ron Paul will be arrested anytime soon for foot-tapping in an airport restroom. But one can dream.....

Anonymous said...

Wow, they're basically just proving that they're true internet gestapo.